Billionaire Peter Thiel is planning to make one of Saturday Night Live‘s most outlandish Olympics sketches a reality.
The PayPal co-founder has joined a group of venture capitalists seeking to raise $300 million to put on the first-ever Enhanced Games, “a modern reinvention of the Olympic Games” in which athletes will not be tested for drugs or other performance enhancers.
“When 44% of athletes already use performance enhancements, it is time to safely celebrate science,” states the organization’s website. “Welcome to the Enhanced Games, the ultimate demonstration of what the human body is capable of.” The date and location of the first Enhanced Games has yet to be announced, but athlete registration is expected to open in late 2024.
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Just as pro wrestler Hulk Hogan recently drew comparisons to a famous scene from Idiocracy during the Republican National Convention, the Enhanced Games will instantly remind Saturday Night Live fans of the show’s October 8, 1988 “All-Drug Olympics” sketch.
Phil Hartman appeared as Sergei Akmudov, a Russian weightlifter competing in the first-ever All-Drug Olympics. Commentator Kevin Nealon set the scene, noting that Akmudov had taken anabolic steroids, novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon and “some sort of fish paralyzer” prior to the event: “All of this, of course, is perfectly legal at the All-Drug Olympics,” he noted. “In fact, it’s encouraged.”
While attempting to triple the existing world record by lifting 1,500 pounds, Akmudov instead suffers a ghastly and bloody fate. “Oh, he’s pulled his arms off! He’s pulled his arms off!” Nealon narrates. “That’s gotta be disappointing to the big Russian…. he probably doesn’t have that much pain right now but I think tomorrow he’s really gonna feel that.”
An Olympic Medal-Winner Has Offered to ‘Juice to the Gills’
While a real-life duplication of Akmudov’s injuries seems unlikely, four-time Olympic medalist and chief executive of the Australian Sports Commission Kieren Perkins called the Enhanced Games concept “laughable” and “borderline criminal.” He also expressed fears that injuries might not be the worst outcome if the Enhanced Games were allowed to happen: “Someone will die if we allow that sort of environment to continue to foster and flourish.”
James Magnussen, who won a silver medal in the 100 meter freestyle swimming event at the 2012 London Olympics, seemingly feels quite differently. He has offered to come out of retirement if the organizers put up $1 million for breaking the 50 meter freestyle record, promising: “I’ll juice to the gills and break it in six months.”
Watch the ‘All-Drug Olympics’ Sketch
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Gallery Credit: Corey Irwin