There are stories where the jokes just write themselves and then there are stories where it’s so easy, it’s just not even worth it. This is one is more of the second kind. During last night’s Five Finger Death Punch show in Denver, Colorado, frontman Ivan Moody announced that he was “retiring from heavy metal” after making one more album with the band.
Now I know what you’re all thinking — “But Hesher, when did he start?!” I know. I was going to make that joke too. But you see, that’s too easy. Everyone’s going to make that joke and sarcastically ask “Wait, Five Finger Death Punch are metal?” Again, nice burn if you’re a child.
But last night, while flanked by his kids, Moody said he wanted to make the announcement in his hometown, since it means so much to him. You can watch the entire thing unfold in the video below.
“I wanted to tell you this. And nobodsfy else in the world knows, Denver, so this is where it’s going to start. And what you do with it is up to you. The last 15 years of my life I have toured the world, I have seen every country, every city on this planet at least twice. That’s a fact. And through that time as many of you parents know … I have missed a lot of time with my kiddos. So I made them a deal today, and I’m going to stick to it. After this year, I am going to make one more Five Finger Death Punch album and then I am retiring from heavy metal.
“But I wanted to start that here and tell all of you, from day one when I decided to be a singer playing places like … the Bluebird Theater, the Ogden, and we were supposed to play Red Rocks, we’ll have to do that one more time. Can I play Red Rocks one more time? … I owe you everything, Colorado, Five Finger Death Punch and every knucklehead on this planet, thank you.”
It really should be noted that Moody’s said and done some crazy shit in the past. Hell, he’s quit the band, taken that statement back, only to announce that he was quitting the band mid-show just a couple months later. Fans are also pointing out that he didn’t say he was retiring from music – again, another easy joke about “we’d only be so lucky” or something like that. Thanks to his connection with country singers and planning to bring country stars on tour with Five Finger Death Punch next month, there’s some speculation that Moody will switch gears and pursue a country music career.
Whether Moody actually follows through with his supposed retirement, only time will tell. Until then, let’s workshop some better jokes about this situation.
If Moody’s time in metal is coming to an end soon, then you’re going to want to catch FFDP live at least one more time nedxt year.
Five Finger Death Punch
w/ Brantley Gilbert and Cody Marks
Wed Nov 9 Grand Rapids, MI | Van Andel Arena
Thu Nov 10 Fort Wayne, IN | Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
Sat Nov 12 Lexington, KY | Rupp Arena
Mon Nov 14 Columbus, OH | Schottenstein Center
Wed Nov 16 Nashville, TN | Bridgestone Arena
Thu Nov 17 Knoxville, TN | Thompson-Boling Arena
Sat Nov 19 Charleston, WV | Charleston Coliseum & Convention Center
Sun Nov 20 Greenville, SC | Bon Secours Wellness Arena
Tue Nov 22 Tampa, FL | Amalie Arena
Fri Nov 25 Birmingham, AL | Legacy Arena at The BJCC
Sat Nov 26 Little Rock, AR | Simmons Bank Arena
Tue Nov 29 Kansas City, MO | T-Mobile Center
Wed Nov 30 Omaha, NE | CHI Health Center Omaha
Fri Dec 2 Madison, WI | Coliseum at Alliant Energy Center
Sat Dec 3 Green Bay, WI | Resch Center
Mon Dec 5 Minneapolis, MN | Target Center Wed
Dec 7 Des Moines, IA | Wells Fargo Arena
Fri Dec 9 Grand Forks, ND | Alerus Center
Sat Dec 10 Sioux Falls, SD | Denny Sanford PREMIER Center Tue Dec 13 Spokane, WA | Spokane Arena
Thu Dec 15 Nampa, ID | Ford Idaho Center Arena Sat Dec 17 Las Vegas, NV | Michelob ULTRA Arena