Why? Why why why? I wake up this morning to get my daily news fix from totally unbiased sources on Facebook, and I find out Mike Ditka passed away. Goddamnit.
From being a dynamite coach who took us to a Super Bowl during my senior year of high school, to being an outspoken proponent of the GREATEST PRESIDENT in U.S. HISTORY DONALD TRUMP, he was everything us residents of Bloomington, Illinois aspire to be, and he was taken from us way too soon. I guess it’s true that only the good die young.
Anyway, as you can guess, I am not in a good mood. What am I listening to today? Hatesphere? Good. Great. Whatever.
Track 1: Chapter XII
Only two and a half minutes? Skip.
Track 2: Dogma
Ugh, I’m already getting a fucking migraine from this chaotic bullshit. I bet Mike Ditka wouldn’t be a fan of this. He probably loved Bad Company, just like I do. God, we probably would’ve been best friends, if only fate would have been kind enough to have us cross paths at some point.
Track 3: Guillotine
At least this riff is a little catchier. I could almost see myself enjoying it before that growling kicks in. Almost.
Track 4: Morbid
This track is even shorter than the first one, so I’m going to skip it. Don’t like it? Kick rocks. Mustcomplain is calling the shots here.
Track 5: Cleansing
Speaking of cleansing, these fuckrats would certainly benefit from a nice long bath in the Blood of the Lamb. Fucking heathens. I can’t believe I’m still listening to this shit for you freaks. Turn off your Spotify and get your crusty rumps to church before it’s too late.
Track 6: Snake Charmer
What do you think Ditka’s doing in Heaven right now? Probably not listening to Hatesphere, I’d be willing to wager. Anyway, this song is boring me and I’m skipping it, too.
Track 7: Mouth Filled With Barbed Wire
Now my migraine is being replaced by a panic attack. I can’t fucking win today.
Track 8: Bottom Feeder
I’m so distraught that I might not even be able to watch the Bears pound the piss out of the Packers at noon.
Track 9: Human Scum
Eh, who am I kidding? I just remembered I have that sixer of Busch Light in the garage fridge. I’m gonna park my hefty ass in the La-Z-Boy and watch 9 straight hours of 22-year-olds giving each other CTE as soon as this fucking album has grace enough to finish.
Track 10: Heresy
OK, back to this shit. I don’t like this song, either. Is that enough to fulfill my contractual obligation to MetalSucks?
That’s it, thank Christ. 0/5 stars. See you filth-ridden sinners next week.