Rise and shine, suckers! Smokey Goretooth is back again with a new “Do I Suck?,” MetalSucks’ version of “Am I The Asshole?” where we take real life horror stories and bring them to our readers to decide if the OP sucks for some bullshit they may or may not have done.
This week, we have a story from a user calling themselves “Am0rph1sMor0n,” who definitely doesn’t have his own way with words.
Me and my girlfriend have kinda been going through it lately. Not anything massive concerning or anything like that, we just don’t get to spend as much time together as we used to and we’ve been getting in little fights because of it. We also haven’t gotten dirty with each other in forever, which I think is just making things worse. She’s gotten on me several times in the past for not being the most romantic guy and not doing little stereotypical shit like getting her flowers randomly and stuff, so I figured I’d try it out after a fight we got into this week.
I had flowers sent to her, but I didn’t even think about the fact that there’s a little card that usually goes along with it. I know her and I know that if I didn’t send a card at all that it would probably cause some other turmoil, so part of me was thinking about abandoning the mission all together, but then this one song popped in my head that I got an idea.
“You I Need” by Amorphis came to mind, that introductory keyboard lick got louder and louder in my head and I thought ‘oh, this is a pretty sappy song,’ and I started typing out some of the lyrics in the form of a poem I guess, but chopped and screwed up so it seemed more original. I don’t remember the exact way I reworked it but it was something like:
“I don’t need a bow, I don’t need a sword
I need you to be the guide
My mirror to the sky and sea
I need to have your words
Like a king has his moon
A queen has her sun
You make my song go on”
I have no idea what compelled me to actually hit send, but I did. Not along after everything got delivered, I got the most excited voice note from her (I was in class) probably ever. We finally had sex later that night for the first time in a long time, so I knew I did something right.
The problem is, she knows I don’t use AI or any of that shit, so she thinks this is like a real poem I wrote. She was going on and on to her friends about it, showing them the card and saying how romantic I really am and how she didn’t know I had this “talent for words deep inside me.” She kept saying how she wants me to give her flowers and write her poems more often now. She said she wants “a surprise, but one that comes once a month,” so now I feel all this pressure and I don’t know what to do.
Should I come clean and tell her that, save for me adding in some “my’s” and “you’s,” that those words came from the depths of a Finnish prog band? Or should I just try and keep using song lyrics with a little twist so that she doesn’t figure out I’m just straight copying? We don’t really listen to that much of the same music, and any of the metal she does listen to she says she doesn’t understand what they’re saying anyway so it would probs be pretty easy to get away with.
Do I suck for tricking her like this?
Well, at least his heart was in the right place? As a woman, I feel like this could DEFINITELY blow up in his face, so I hope he sends an update with the aftermath.
Does “Am0rph1sMor0n” suck for being a love con?