Well, well, well –if another week hasn’t finished in this capitalist hellscape. Not soon enough, if you ask me –I want to sleep, smoke joints, and pet my cats –or does my name give that away already? However, in that order because if sleep is for the weak, I’m as weak as that old fucker Mitch McConnell‘s knees. All I got for this past soul-sucking week were just more announcements about more vinyl from so many bands –however, still not nearly as many releases as Taylor Swift produces in a week, but I digress.
This past Sunday was Father’s Day –sorry if you’re just finding out now. Regardless, did you miss Father’s Day? On purpose, or by accident? Or, were you the father on Father’s Day who’s kid didn’t call? That’s a rough one, buddy, I’m sorry. Well… here are a couple of pieces that may help you remedy that sore, annual wound –whether you are father or child.
Amberian Dawn –Temptation’s Gate
Ah, yes –if you are a father who may not have received a call on Father’s Day – and you aren’t sure why, here’s some symphonic metal to soundtrack your epic crash out to. Well, that is, if you care that your child didn’t call. Unless the child is a dick –then, well, it might be more of a triumphant listen then, based on the fact that you finally didn’t have to put up with their shit. Especially on Father’s Day.
Buy your epic record here.
Metallica –ReLoaded (Boxset)
If you are a father whose child forgot to call –did they apologize thoroughly? Did they harp enough? Regardless, you do deserve a well-earned box set of one of your favorite band’s best records, and after all the emotional turmoil your child caused, they should make sure to get you an extra special Father’s Day present. But, I’m not trying to give you ideas or anything.
Check out the fat ass boxset here.
Nunslaughter –Satanic Chaos Legions
If you missed Father’s Day on purpose, here’s something for the rage you’re unable to place or express properly –I’m only assuming, of course, I wouldn’t know from experience or anything. Turning to the Devil is surely the way to go from here… right? I mean, chances are you practically lived with him for 18 years of your life, so in reality, the actual Devil doesn’t seem half-bad.
Check out your rage-room soundtrack here.
The Pretty Reckless –Dear God
If anger isn’t quite your style and it’s more just a dumbfounded sense of disappointment and ‘how did you make it this far in life being this much of a piece of shit?,’ we’re sure this might be a pretty good fit for you. A good old angsty, emotional rock record to help you get through the ‘really, again with this?‘ that still doesn’t seem to click even after all these years. And sure, the disappointment never seems to quite go away –they’re still alive.
Get in your feels here.
Butthole Surfers –After The Astronaut
If you are a father of any kind, or a child under the age of 18 –you’ll appreciate this record. Just on the band name alone. You’re welcome.
P.S. It’s also the band’s long-lost record…
For your juvenile entertainment at your local record store here.