Metal isn’t just music, it isn’t just a way of life, it IS life.
In fact, in 2026, it might just be the only thing worth living for! As the world’s first and only frontgob of the premier goblin-metal band Nekrogoblikon, I have witnessed firsthand the effect metal music has on you, human beings. When my band hits the stage, when we play that world’s heaviest first note, something takes over the crowd. They are spellbound. They are transformed. They let down their hair, both figuratively and literally, cause I’ve definitely seen dudes with pony tails rip off their hair ties and start to helicopter that beautiful mane, and it freakin rocks! They are free. They can be their truest selves. Headbanging, horns out, and horny as hell!
Can you name another music genre where the crowd can transform into beautifully controlled chaos?
Mosh pits, circle pits, push pits, wall of death, heck, we had an entire group of grown men, seated, in the middle of a mosh pit, rowing as if they were famished sailors who had just laid eyes on land for the very first time. You won’t find that at a Taylor Swift concert!
My question is –when can we stop pretending to like other music? When can we stop pretending other music is good?! If I wanted pop, I’d drink a soda! If I wanted rap, I’d read Dr. Seuss! If I wanted country, I’d lower my IQ!
I actually heard from a very reliable source that guitar players in other genres only use SIX strings?! Their drummers have a SINGLE bass pedal? Their bass players are allowed to speak?!? It’s insane! The only breakdowns that occur in other genres strictly take place offstage, usually in front of a TMZ camera crew. Imagine a band’s name on a t-shirt in a font that is actually readable?!? NO THANKS. It’s laughable, really.
Yet metal is always the forgotten genre. The kid everybody is quick to bully. Why can’t metal be cool? Hip? Top of the Zeitgeist?! Why isn’t it HOLLYWOOD?! Well, thanks to the world’s hottest-smartest man on the planet, Javier Bardem, it is NOW! One might even say, it is, RIGHT NOW!
Finally, a celebrity is brave enough to say what we’ve all been thinking:
“The older I get, the more I like it (metal), and the less I like the other options,” – World’s hottest, smartest celebrity, Javier Bardem.
First off, imagine him saying that in his little accent, GOOD GOB, now I’m horned up! I take back everything I said about the new Dune franchise!
On second thought, Skyfall was actually only the second-worst Bond film!
Maybe I will Eat, Pray, and Love… YOU! No Country for Old Men, or ANY Men! No country AT ALL. Nothing but METAL!
In a world divided, metal is the only way to bring us all together. It’s by far the most inclusive genre. It welcomes goblins, dragons, pirates, clowns, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, mastodons, and whatever Wes Borland is! The 392 sub-genres offer something for everybody. It’s worldly! It’s intergalactic! It’s eternal! Did you know metal existed back in the dinosaur era? Yeah, T-Rex wrote a song, it was a banger, a BIG-BANGer! Rex had a hell of a metal growl, too! So good it melted all his friends’ faces off, turning them to mere bones, only to be discovered later inside that park by Jeff Goldblum and that guy who looked like Colonel Sanders‘ brother.
What’s my point? I’m not sure, I got distracted googling photos of Javier Bardem! Plus, having a point isn’t very metal! What I do know is it’s time we all take a page out of Javier Bardem’s book. It’s no longer good enough to simply love metal; we must become metal! Be unapologetic in our metal-ness. Bardem listens to Slipknot when he goes to sleep. Why stop there?!? Listen to Slipknot when you wake, listen to Slipknot when you bake, listen to Slipknot all day, every day, for Gob’s sake! (Okay, now I’m Dr. Seuss!)
Metal is also about community, so make sure you’re doing your part to spread metal across this circular pit we call home. Next stranger you see, throw up the horns, invite them to a show. Say something like, “Hey dude, in a world of Timothy Chalamet’s… be a Javier Bardem.” They’ll be like, “Huh?” Then invite them to our headlining tour around the U.S, and they’ll be all, “Wait, that’s that internet-famous goblin band? Aren’t they celebrating twenty years this fall?” Then you’ll throw up the horns and crack a smile, knowing you just made a new best friend. You’ll buy matching goblin-hoodies, watch all my podcasts front to back, back to front, and create a bond forged in the fire… forged in metal.
It’s just like Javier said in his Golden-Globe award winning film Vicky Christina Barcelona, “Life is short. Life is dull. Life is full of pain. So…I push my fingers into my eyyyyyyyeeeeees!” OK, maybe that last part was just Slipknot blasting through my headphones, but I think we can all agree that the worlds of metal and Hollywood have finally found their duality in Mr. Javier Bardem.