Hey everybody, a new and improved Dave Mustcomplain here.
My old lady and I just came back from church, and I’ll be goddamned if the Holy Spirit didn’t personally reach down and touch me on the tits. Said I need to be more open-minded and less filled with rage, yet here Doreen had been angry when I insisted we switch houses of worship after our pastor over at First Trinity went on an anti-ICE rant. Pretentious little shit.
Looks like I was right, because we move over to Faith Lutheran and BAM! God talks to me. This is fantastic, and I’ve decided the first step in my new journey will be with this new Sigh album, so aren’t you lucky?
Track 1: Kuso-shi 1, 2, and 3
First off, I’m not sure what to make of this artwork. Is this what goths are into these days? I suppose that would make sense, what with all these pink-haired freaks walking around the mall with their Attack on Titan shirts. Goddamn—whoa Dave, chill out. Remember how profound that divine experience was this morning? Anyway, aside from the singing, I am enjoying this music, I think.
Track 2: Jigoku-Zoshi 1 – Unkamusho
It’s a little fast, and I have no idea what they’re saying, but…I suppose it’s alright?
… How am I sounding here?
Track 3: Anzenshokon
I can’t say that I like the beginning of this song, because it sound like something off that shitty Pure Moods soundtrack commercial I used to watch in the 90s, but I sure as shit like it better than whatever the fuck happens around the four-minute mark — time to take a breath here.
Track 4: Kuso-shi 4, 5, and 6
There’s no goddamn way I’m sitting through all seven minutes of this song. For the sake of my newly-found sense of grace, I’m skipping it.
Track 5: Shoso
Ahhhhh, there we go. A blissful minute of what I am only assuming is metal music because my editor at MetalSucks told me so.
Track 6: Unputenpu
In case you were wondering, I definitely don’t wish I was listening to .38 Special and drinking a Busch Lite in my man-cave instead of writing this shitty review.
Track 7: Jinmenjushin
To be as diplomatic and magnanimous as humanly possible for fear of offending my Lord and Savior, with whom, we’ve established, I am on newfound good terms, I’m beginning to think this album isn’t for me.
Track 8: Jigoku-Zoshi 2 – Tokatsujigoku
The guitars in this song are…nice, and—ahhhhh FUCK! I can’t do it. I can’t fucking do it. This sucks shit through a straw. I’m so sorry, Jesus.
Track 9: Kushukankyo
If I wanted acoustic guitar I’d listen to some America. Remember that song “Sister Golden Hair”? Now that was a fucking tune. Certainly better than this pisswater.
Track 10: Kuso-shi 7
SKIP.
Track 11: Kuso-shi 8 and 9_Mettaijakujo
Here I was, all excited to reach the last track. If you think I’m going to sit here and objectively review all 11 minutes of this shit stain, you’re out of your goddamn mind. That includes you, God. You have no idea how much you’ve tested me today.
There you go. 0/5 stars. Obviously, I’m going to have to get right with the Lord after this little lapse, but for now I’m going to get absolutely Christ-hammered while rewatching the ’85 Super Bowl on YouTube.
Goddamn, those were the days.
Now, fuck off.